LIVING WITH ALCOHOLISM IN A MARRIAGE
Uncategorized No Comments »Are you married to an alcoholic or a person who can’t stop drinking? Is your husband/wife a different person when they drink? Are you at your wits end and just can’t take it anymore? What can you do? Here’s a list of facts which will help you preserve your emotional well-being if a spouse or partner is an alcoholic.
1. Although alcoholism and the family contains very complex dysfunctional relationships, you should always know that you did not cause this person to be an alcoholic. Take no blame for it.
2. You have spent a lot of energy trying to get your spouse or partner to stop drinking. Don’t try to control your spouse; no one can. Have you made any progress? No. The alcoholic decides when he/she wants to change, and it’s for that reason that you must stop trying to get your husband/wife to stop drinking. You will feel a lot more energy, emotionally and physically, when you stop trying.
No matter how much you beg them to stop drinking, it is not going to work. What will work is taking care of yourself. When you are stressed out, it will be more difficult to help your loved one. You have no verbal power over the alcoholic spouse. What you do have control over is your actions and words. What you don’t say and do to the alcoholic will have a direct effect on whether or not they will continue drinking or not.
3. The only person any of us ever hopes to change is ourselves. If there is a change in us due to personal growth, relationships with also change. To change means that you will experience something new, different and unknown, and these cause us to be afraid of change in some degree. If you accept that you can change only yourself and not the alcoholic, and if you are willing to make an effort to change, you have the power to change the direction of your life in big ways.
4. Do not enable the alcoholic. What does that mean? Basically, don’t do for the alcoholic that which he/she can do for themselves. Let the full weight of alcoholic behavior rest on them. Let them suffer the consequences of their own actions. Don’t rush in and try to fix a problem they created. Don’t let them drive while drinking. Do not argue with them while they are drinking. Do not buy them alcohol, even if they beg you to. Don’t treat them any differently because they have a drinking problem. Don’t give them any special attention while they are drinking. Remember, protecting the drinker means that they never suffer the consequences and so are never aware of the severity of their drinking.
5. If your relationship with an alcoholic spouse is suffering as a result of their alcoholic abuse habits, you can be sure of the fact that you both have problems related to the alcohol abuse. Did you know that spouses of alcoholics who take the verbal abuse of an alcoholic are sometimes just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic? Therefore, it is necessary that you find some sort of support during this time. This could be a support group or a trusted counselor.
6. Don’t try and have a meaningful conversation with a spouse that has been drinking. It is easy to get lured into a conversation – don’t. Wait until the morning or when they are sober.
7. Get help for yourself. Living with an alcoholic husband will improve as you work on yourself.
8. Make some limits for your spouse’s behavior. Determine ahead of time what you will do if the alcoholic crosses the line. For example, most would say that physical abuse is unacceptable. If it happens, what actions will you take? There are many limits that you could create, but the ones that protect from harm are most important.
PART – 1
A families fight! I would like to add This Bay County Probate Judge also, gave my father in law permission to convert my husbands half of our family home into a Chapter 7. I believe this is not her jurisdiction to do so. I had no choice but to do the same.
Carol’s marriage was on the rocks. Could Jesus Christ change her insecurities, and her alcoholic husband forever? True, lasting change?