If you have questions about responsible drinking in your family or concerned about excessive use of alcohol, please visit the following website: http://www.habitdoc.com/.
A friend has 4 children with her ex husband who has known he has Hep C for two years. He drinks A LOT everyday. Within 30 minutes of getting off work he is rip roaring drunk on vodka. Saturdays and Sundays he is drunk within minutes of waking up.
He is not receiving treatment of any kind and has not changed his lifestyle (diet, exercise etc) in any way, nor does he see a doctor to monitor his condition. He is quite yellow (indicative of liver failure?).
How long will he go on like this before he succombs to his disease? Three of their children are still quite young, their oldest just turned 18. She is very concerned that her children may lose their father and wonders just where he stands with this disease with his behavior and obvious symptoms (yellowing).
Peace and many thanks.
The answer is surprising….one never knows. Thats the issue with HCV. Drinking will only cause more damage at a much faster rate and also increases the viral load, no doubt. If he is jaundiced now, looks like the kidneys are affected as well as the liver. Once the liver is over 92% damaged, it doesn’t take too long afterwards….
Depression goes along with HCV, which happens first before addiction. So, he may of had hcv much longer than previously thought…..he could of been born with it or contracted it somehow later on in life.
A doctor will not treat anyone with hcv until they have been clean and sober for at least 6 months.
It’s a shame too because many who cannot seem to break the abuse often do not know that sometimes it is the HCV side effects that come to light instead of detoxing side effects when they quit their drug of choice.
I wish I could tell you more, but honestly, no one really knows how long this guy will last. I have known others who never drank a drop or did drugs who had hcv infection and didn’t live long and I’ve known a few to have abused drugs (alcohol included) who lived well beyond the doctor’s wildest dreams.
My prayers are with you and your friend and her family
I drink at least a bottle of wine per night and I am a thin girl. I am 26 and live with my husband and when he is away I get real drunk at home on my own. I often don’t remember going to bed. I know this is bad but how bad is it?
There is a big assumption that everyone who has an issue with alcohol is an alcoholic, however you define that.
You may have an issue with alcohol. You may be abusing it, using it, dependant on it – I don’t know you so I cannot tell. Drinking rarely happens in a vacuum – it is not unusual to find it is a symptom of unhelpful cognitions. Please don’t jump in with the ‘you have a disease forever’ brigade.
I would take a look at smartrecovery.org, google Windy Dryden on Ebay and see if any of his book titles jump out and grab you, and think of counselling for your issues that underpin your drinking – preferably REBT based counselling if it appeals to you.
good luck
I have been living with him from 10 yrs.I have two kids,one boy 9 yrs old and one girl 3 yrs old.Ours was a love marriage.I am from a doctors family,I am also a good homoeopath,earning 20000\ month,We are living in our father-in -law’s house.My husband did many jobs but he never settled.Now he is practising a therapy on sick people which I do not think is working.He is using my name for it.He is very much mischievous,rude,demanding sex three times a day,as I have no appetite for sex.He wants to control me in all respects.He do not want me to talk with my relatives as he thinks they feed me wrong things.He is earning nothing at all.He take loan for paying his pending dues.But he love his children,play with them sometime,my father-in law also love and play with my children.This is the only thing which holds me back. My mother in law is very much selfish, rude, cunning,hateful,not having any affection with my children.She did not allow me to touch her household things when I came to her house from the very first day.I cook food separately for my family in my room.please suggest me what should I do?
It sounds like you need a good divorce lawyer. That is not a healthy environment for your children to be in and you need to leave at least for their sake.
We have been living with these problems for over 20 years now. It seems like lately she keeps saying that she has hit rock bottom, but continues to drink all night all. She has has an eating disorder, where if she does eat she will throw it up almost every night. She has been in and out of rehab places over the past 20 years and every time the doctors don’t think she will live too much longer. She also lies all the time about the things that she is doing, even when you watch her do it she will tell you shes not. During these tough times me and my husband live with them and now some of our things are missing (mostly alcohol). She of course says that she doesn’t take anything, but I don’t think I can believe anything she says anymore. My question is, how can I get myself not to be so mad at her to the point where I don’t even want to see her? If anyone else has gone through a similar situation, was there ever a time that it got better?
You can’t fix her.
Try al-anon meetings, there is a whole community out there who can help you and who have all been in the same boat struggling with the same issues you are going through.
We have a 2 month old daughter and have been together for 10 years. He’s been drinking for 8 years and I foolishly got married to him 3 years ago. He keeps promising to stop but every promise is always broken. I am a stay at home mom and I dont have any money for myself since we are just making enough to get by. I have nowhere else to turn except to my mom and step-dad. I would feel like such a loser being 27 years old with a child and having to live with my mom. I dont have anywhere else to turn to. I’m tired of the arguing even though none are physical, but I dont want to raise my daughter in this environment. I have wasted years waiting for him to change, and I am fed up. Will my mother think bad of me if I explain to her whats goin on? What should I do? Please help me.
I should add that I did work from when I wsa 16 until I had the baby 2 months ago. I want to go back to work now but I cannot afford day care. Around here, they charge about $350.00 a week and thats about what I would make after taxes and insurance and stuff. I would not have any money to pay rent or get groceries or support my daughter. This is just another reason getting out is so hard.
First and foremost, my answer to you is Yes.
I’ll explain in a minute, but first I am going to answer the question "Will my mother think bad of me if I explain to her whats goin on?"; No! If your mother is open hearted and loves you as her daughter she will understand what you’re going through and help you out. You are not the alcoholic, you are the bigger person, getting away from the alcoholism before it effects you and your child any worse. I’m pretty sure your mother will be happy to lend a hand to you, you’re in need.
Now, I say you need to leave because obviously his promises mean nothing. My father is and has been an alcohol abuser for most of his life. He has done some crazy and horrible things when he was not sober which have set me in my ways to have no sympathy for alcoholics. My family gave him chance after chance after chance to get help. He constantly refused help and says he doesn’t have a problem but that he’ll drink less, he promised. Lies.Lies.Lies. When alcohol becomes a major part of your life, that is all you can do is lie about it.
If for 8 years your husband has been drinking, promising to stop, and hasn’t then I hate to say this but there’s not much hope.
My father was the same way and guess what? He’s still drinking. He doesn’t care that I have to get counseling due to the heavy weight he put on my families shoulders. My sisters and I have serious issues with trusting people, men in general, because of him. He promises my mom time and time again (still to this day) that he is going to stop with drinking and what was he doing today? Drinking beer from 9am-10pm when he went to bed. I’m sure you can only imagine. I will be graduating this year and I’m excited because I will be getting away from this alcoholic!! He has taught me nothing in life but the type of man that I will never allow myself to be with. Get out of this marriage as soon as possible because living with an alcoholic is not a good environment to be in especially for your child. Your daughter will end up having serious trust and insecurity issues if you continue to be with this man. I speak only for myself knowing exactly how it feels to have to tolerate an alcoholic for such a long time… I was so young having to deal with his alcoholism, don’t put your child through that. Also, my dads alcoholism lead my mom to drink as well. She believed (and still believes) that she needs his income as well as hers to pay the bills and such, so she figured she’ll stay with him. AND to her, the only way to stay with him is to lower herself to his level so she can ease the "pain" when really it’s causing herself issues of her own.
My last bit of advice to you is what a priest old my mom. I’ve said it on here before and I’ll say it again because although my mom didn’t listen to his piece of advice, I am hoping that by putting it out there for others to read, someone will listen and get away from the pain.
"If a person is drowning in a pool, it is OK to save them. But, if the person keeps making the mistake of drowning & everytime you try to save them, they pull you under with them, then at some point you have to just stop trying to save them and let them drown on their own."
Best Wishes for you and your 2 month old!
My friend had arranged marriage with parents choice. It’s now 5 years and the day one she is suffering, as her husband is extremely alcoholic and she has no hope left in her life as she is not happy with her married life and always blaming her parents for ruing her life. Now she wants to have a test tube baby (offcourse using her husbands sperm) but her in-laws are not in her favour and they have clearly said they are not going to give any money/ property to them (her, her husband).
Still she is quite amend on her decision of having baby because that baby will be at least the motive to live or she can spend her life by along with her baby as her husband is alcoholic and his early death is the bitter truth.
She is just 29 year’s old and working. She belongs to a middle class family and don’t want to go for divorce as it is not good in the Indian society.
Please suggest if her decision is good for her and her would be child. Should I suggest her to go for what she has decided; i.e. to have test tube baby?
My concern is here that she would ruin the child’s life as the child’s father is totally irresponsible and her in-laws are also not going to give any help to her.
She probably thinks the baby will bring more happiness into her life. Unfortunately, she will give the baby misery by bringing him/her into the situation. If she wants to live with an alcoholic, fine. That’s her choice to live in a crappy situation because she’s scared of upsetting the Indian community with divorce. But to bring other people into it knowingly is plain wrong and completely selfish.
JOY by Dr. Harold Sala
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise the fruit of lips that confess his name.” Hebrews 13:15
Have you ever had the urge to just break out in song? It may have been inspired by a beautiful morning, or the check that arrived in the mail, or the phone call from a best friend. You felt like shouting something that Handel would have written, something that would praise God from the depths of your being.
You didn’t, of course, because you didn’t want folks to think that you were a fanatic, or crazy or on drugs, and besides, it isn’t natural to sing like that, right? Right! It isn’t natural; it is supernatural.
When Paul and Silas sat in a Roman prison at Philippi, their feet in stocks, their back stinging from the cut of lashes, they began to sing with joy. Let’s face it to sing in the face of tough circumstances just isn’t the natural thing to do; it’s supernatural, or above the natural trend of circumstances. When you are in trouble like Paul was in, you want to cry, not sing; yet in this incident which took place long ago in a Roman prison, there is a great lesson, a guideline for living for us today.
You can read about Paul’s situation in Acts 16. Whether lifting his voice in song was a spontaneous outburst or a reasoned commitment, an act of worship, I leave to your discretion. I, for one, believe that Paul didn’t much feel like singing, yet as a conscious act of the will, he made a decision to lift his voice in a sacrifice of praise; and when anyone makes that sacrifice, his spirits are lifted and the joy of the Lord floods his heart.
The writer of Hebrews focused on this very act of thanksgiving and praise when he said, “Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise the fruit of lips that confess his name” (Heb. 13:15).
When you face difficult circumstances, you come to a fork in the road. One option is the natural one complain, grumble, and let everyone know that you are displeased with the way you have been treated. The second option is to realize that no matter how difficult the situation, God can bring joy and gladness out of it.
One of our listeners learned this lesson through bitter trials. She told how her husband walked out on her, leaving behind five children. Within a year her oldest son, then 17, had become an alcoholic. A second turned to drugs, and she turned to the Lord. She writes, “As I had no one to lean on then, I fell back on God, praying, hoping. I kept reminding myself this is just a night, stormy though it seems. This too shall pass and the day will dawn eventually. Now five years after, the dawn has gloriously arrived! My son is healed, and the other never became dependent, and the other children are now happy and well adjusted. With the help of God, all of us as a family have triumphed, and in the process God has met our needs, materially, financially, emotionally.”
Did the husband come back? No. Did God answer her prayers? Yes, but in a different way from what she expected. He didn’t deliver her from all of her problems, but He met her in them; and that, friend, is what produces joy.
Why is it that the writer of Hebrews referred to praise as a sacrifice? Because, at times, it is just that. Take time to make a study of the life of David, and you will quickly identify with the difficulties which he faced; yet he learned that through praise and worship, we rise above those difficulties. Make a note of Psalm 71 where David talks about his afflictions and yet says, “But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” The sacrifice of praise is amply rewarded.
Resource reading: Acts 16:22-40.
Duration : 0:4:58
I kicked my abusive alcoholic husband out of the family 3 years ago for cheating,drunkeness and forcing us into bankruptcy. He has been in hiding ever since. I had a phone call from someone claiming to know him and she said he is dying of cancer and has 1 year to live? I am supporting my 2 kids and myself on a modest income and can’t afford a lawyer.
if you are still married to him, they can come after you; you need to get a lawyer; you can usually find one for people with modest incomes, start making calls.
I’ve been married for 10 years, but we’ve been together for a total of 19 years. My husband does not see how he hurts me, a few weeks ago he told me we was going to commit suicide and would not live to see 40 and a couple of nights ago he came home drunk and I told him I was worried about his behavior and I thought he should get treatment. He told me to get the f-out and that I should divorce him. I was very upset did not push it because he was drunk and you can’t resolve anything with a drunk. So the next day I was still upset about it and I asked him if he remembered what he said, and he did not.
I don’t know where to turn, I threatened to tell his family. That’s another thing we live 3000 miles away from our family and most of our friends. He only has drinking friends here, we live walking distance to many bars. I need help and I don’t know where to turn.
Alon on is a great organization that helps people who live with alcoholics, and or an intervention, might help but you have to find a place that helps you get him into treatment at their specific treatment centers. You can call around your area and see what kind of treatment centers ate there and how they can help.
However, I am going to be very honest here because you have had years of this and my guess is that you are an enabler which means you need help,too. Please seek help from a counselor who can help you get clarity, get out of denial, and have a plan available to stop this insanity! Living with alcoholics is insanity because reality is distorted and the alcoholic controls everything, and you walk on egg shells. I know this not by reading about it but by living with a mom and step dad who were both alcoholics and I understand the dynamics.
You need to get strong, and grow confidence and self-worth. Please, please you cannot keep letting this go because your soul is at stake here.
I care.
Dr. Maggie