My wife was always going to be her lazy mother’s carer – until she met me. I took her away from a household that had her living as a servant to an alcoholic father and childlike mother. For years afterwards her brother always tried to manipulate things so that her mother would come live with us. Finally he went too far and his sly passive aggressive anger towards me showed when he refused to let me feed his son, saying I was too rough a father with my own son. He is the worst father ever and let his wife abuse their son for the first 6 months of his life. Finally my wife saw him for what he is and what he wanted to bring to her life. All was good, or so I thought.
My wife is taking a trip to see her mother soon and I will not be going. I am sure that her manipulative family will see this as a fine opportunity to screw around with our lives again and I find it so frustrating. My wife and I have talked and fought about this all evening. She says I treat her as a child and tell her what to do, but the truth is if I didn’t do that then we’d have her mother living with us and all the independence my wife has gained since we met would be gone.
When we met my wife was agoraphobic and suffered from many mental issues, depression included. We’ve worked on this together over the years. Its so frustrating to me that her family are the root cause of her problems (as confirmed by many counsellors) but she still fights up for them.
I do not mind her having a relationship with her brother. I wish she would not. But I do not want my son anywhere near that manipulative money driven prick because I know he thinks of me in a derogatory and disrespectful way. I also know that my wife will soon be manipulated and manouvered into something against what we have agreed – as always happens when she sees her family alone.
Yes this is a big vent, but what do I do about this asshole? I don’t want him calling the house but he does. My wife doesn’t seem to think its an issue, even though it is for me.
Good answer Jena. Its even worse when you are living it.
sorry to say but when you married your wife you also married her crazy family. Seeing as you can’t nor shouldn’t keep her from her family. If you can’t deal with her family then you shouldn’t have married her esp knowing what they are like. B/c you have married her and you do know what her family is like you have a few choices
1 go with her when she vists her family (to make sure they don’t manipulate her)
2 give her a choice you or her family
3 you make a choice to stay or to leave
remember its not her fault she didn’t choose her family and im sure if she could she wouldn’t have picked them.
hope everything works out for the best