Living With Alcoholism In A Marriage http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:56:57 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 LIVING WITH ALCOHOLISM IN A MARRIAGE http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/uncategorized/living-with-alcoholism-in-a-marriage http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/uncategorized/living-with-alcoholism-in-a-marriage#comments Thu, 09 Jul 2009 01:03:59 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/uncategorized/living-in-with-alcoholism-in-a-marriage

Are you married to an alcoholic or a person who can’t stop drinking? Is your husband/wife a different person when they drink? Are you at your wits end and just can’t take it anymore? What can you do? Here’s a list of facts which will help you preserve your emotional well-being if a spouse or partner is an alcoholic.

1. Although alcoholism and the family contains very complex dysfunctional relationships, you should always know that you did not cause this person to be an alcoholic.  Take no blame for it. 

2. You have spent a lot of energy trying to get your spouse or partner to stop drinking.  Don’t try to control your spouse; no one can.  Have you made any progress?  No. The alcoholic decides when he/she wants to change, and it’s for that reason that you must stop trying to get your husband/wife to stop drinking. You will feel a lot more energy, emotionally and physically, when you stop trying.

No matter how much you beg them to stop drinking, it is not going to work. What will work is taking care of yourself. When you are stressed out, it will be more difficult to help your loved one. You have no verbal power over the alcoholic spouse. What you do have control over is your actions and words. What you don’t say and do to the alcoholic will have a direct effect on whether or not they will continue drinking or not.

3. The only person any of us ever hopes to change is ourselves. If there is a change in us due to personal growth, relationships with also change. To change means that you will experience something new, different and unknown, and these cause us to be afraid of change in some degree. If you accept that you can change only yourself and not the alcoholic, and if you are willing to make an effort to change, you have the power to change the direction of your life in big ways.

4. Do not enable the alcoholic.  What does that mean?  Basically, don’t do for the alcoholic that which he/she can do for themselves.  Let the full weight of alcoholic behavior rest on them.  Let them suffer the consequences of their own actions.  Don’t rush in and try to fix a problem they created.  Don’t let them drive while drinking. Do not argue with them while they are drinking. Do not buy them alcohol, even if they beg you to. Don’t treat them any differently because they have a drinking problem. Don’t give them any special attention while they are drinking.  Remember, protecting the drinker means that they never suffer the consequences and so are never aware of the severity of their drinking.

5. If your relationship with an alcoholic spouse is suffering as a result of their alcoholic abuse habits, you can be sure of the fact that you both have problems related to the alcohol abuse.  Did you know that spouses of alcoholics who take the verbal abuse of an alcoholic are sometimes just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic?  Therefore, it is necessary that you find some sort of support during this time.  This could be a support group or a trusted counselor.

6. Don’t try and have a meaningful conversation with a spouse that has been drinking. It is easy to get lured into a conversation – don’t. Wait until the morning or when they are sober.

 7. Get help for yourself.  Living with an alcoholic husband  will improve as you work on yourself.

 8.  Make some limits for your spouse’s behavior.  Determine ahead of time what you will do if the alcoholic crosses the line.  For example, most would say that physical abuse is unacceptable.  If it happens, what actions will you take?  There are many limits that you could create, but the ones that protect from harm are most important.

 

PART – 1

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/uncategorized/living-with-alcoholism-in-a-marriage/feed 0 If you have questions… http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/if-you-have-questions http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/if-you-have-questions#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:29:59 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/alcoholic-spouse/if-you-have-questions

If you have questions about responsible drinking in your family or concerned about excessive use of alcohol, please visit the following website: http://www.habitdoc.com/.


]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/if-you-have-questions/feed 0 I married the same man twice he is an alcoholic and treats me bad should I stay with him.? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/i-married-the-same-man-twice-he-is-an-alcoholic-and-treats-me-bad-should-i-stay-with-him http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/i-married-the-same-man-twice-he-is-an-alcoholic-and-treats-me-bad-should-i-stay-with-him#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:56:57 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/i-married-the-same-man-twice-he-is-an-alcoholic-and-treats-me-bad-should-i-stay-with-him I was married for 13 yrs the first time have 4 children by him. I took a beaten at least once or twice a week after almost killing me I got away. Married a second man that really wasn’t any better. Divorced him after 10 yrs.After seeing husband 1 after all those yrs he looked so bad like he was an old man in his seventies.Which was from drugs and alcohol. I have such a good heart and felt like I was the only person that could help him get healthy again and bring our love back to a good thing. It started out good until the drinking got bad again and he beat me real bad again. But I thought if I marry him again he will learn to trust me. No, it still got worse after that he always throws up my ex and tells me I am a slut, whore, pig, and whatever else he can think of he also has multiple personallities that hate me with a passion. I care about him because he is the father of my kids but I can’t take the abuse anymore.He is a sick man with hep c, scorosis of the liver, had a heartattack

The cycle of abuse and the choice of being with the abusers needs to be broken. You will never be able to change another person by any means. No amount of love or ultimatums will do it. Since he is sick in several different ways, it comes down to him needing some serious intervention so that he can get the mental and physical help he needs. It seems like you stay because one day you are truly hoping that he will change because he loves you enough, but he won’t. if you really love him and don’t want him out of your life completely because of the kids, then just be his friend and be there for him if he can accept those terms.

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/i-married-the-same-man-twice-he-is-an-alcoholic-and-treats-me-bad-should-i-stay-with-him/feed 17 Married to an Alcholic? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/married-to-an-alcholic http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/married-to-an-alcholic#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:56:56 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/married-to-an-alcholic I met my husband through the internet (I know). My first husband said that he was leaving me on our 21st anniversary and I was 16 when he and I got married. I was scared to death to be on my own as I had never been. I told this husband that I’m Mormon, and don’t want to marry a man that drinks or smokes. My husband works the 3-11pm shift and I was waiting up for him because he had told me " that he almost face planted himself into his machine," and that he could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. He is usually home by 12am. It got to be 2am and I called his cell phone and it went straight to voice mail… I told him that he’d best be driving into the driveway in 15 minutes. Then it got to be after 3am so I called again and left another message. Finally, I just couldn’t stay awake any longer and fell asleep at 4:30am. I woke up to find he still wasn’t home and on the answering machine was three messages. The last one said that he was in jail and was arrested for DUI!!!
I’ve had people tell me that a leopard will not change it’s spots. And I called Aly-non and a woman there told me that I have a tough road ahead of me. I’m going to be babysitting the rest of my life. He’s pushed me away from him emotionally and affectionately for over 3 years. Oh, I forgot to mention that this man takes 120.00 a week out of his check before putting any money into the bank. Also, I’ve found out that he was going to the store regularly and taking more money out on the debit card. I can’t tell you how many times that they’ve threatened to shut off our lights.
I inherited my home from my parents and sold that one to move into this home and start my new life. We dated for a little over a year and as with my first husband of 21 years, I thought that I knew this man. I have worked to fix up this one all by myself. I’ve painted the house and garage and fixed up the inside. I’ve worked very hard to make this a loving home. I’ve told him that he is going to have to put all the money into a checking account with just my name on it, until he earns my trust (if I can ever trust him again). I had wanted to meet a nice Mormon man and thought that I did. The church did check on it for me, and he was Mormon just not practicing. I’m so confused, it’s like my brain just can’t hold my thoughts together. Any suggestions?? Is there anyone else there that has or is now, living with an alcoholic? My parents never drank and I don’t understand why a man would want to do this to a faithful wife that has a beautiful home. Every time I think that I can’t cry anymore, I do. He goes in front of the judge on Tuesday and I’m not even sure I want him to come home, let alone go on with our marriage. He also likes to take drugs. He’s on percaset (not sure of spelling) darvocet and he found a doctor a couple of months ago that put him on Methodone. He has also taken medications out of my pocketbook. Do I give this marriage another chance? Do you think his being arrested has gave him a wake up call? Do you think that AA and Aly-non will be able to help? Do I call it quits and lose everything that I’ve worked very hard for? I found…. I do have more tears.

i’ll make this short. he will never change unless he gets help. if there is anywhere else you can live then you need to remove yourself from this environment immediately. tell him (if you want the marriage to continue) that you can reconcile only after he straightens out his addictions. I’m not 100% sure but i’ve always heard methadone was prescribed to treat a heroin addiction. definitely start going to alanon. there you will find many others who have lived through what you are going through and can give you excellent advise. do this as soon as possible. I know what you are going through and even though my marriage(20yrs) failed i finally found peace and am living a normal healthy life again. good luck.

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/married-to-an-alcholic/feed 3 How long will an alcoholic live with Hepatitis C? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/how-long-will-an-alcoholic-live-with-hepatitis-c http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/how-long-will-an-alcoholic-live-with-hepatitis-c#comments Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:02:02 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/how-long-will-an-alcoholic-live-with-hepatitis-c A friend has 4 children with her ex husband who has known he has Hep C for two years. He drinks A LOT everyday. Within 30 minutes of getting off work he is rip roaring drunk on vodka. Saturdays and Sundays he is drunk within minutes of waking up.

He is not receiving treatment of any kind and has not changed his lifestyle (diet, exercise etc) in any way, nor does he see a doctor to monitor his condition. He is quite yellow (indicative of liver failure?).

How long will he go on like this before he succombs to his disease? Three of their children are still quite young, their oldest just turned 18. She is very concerned that her children may lose their father and wonders just where he stands with this disease with his behavior and obvious symptoms (yellowing).

Peace and many thanks.

The answer is surprising….one never knows. Thats the issue with HCV. Drinking will only cause more damage at a much faster rate and also increases the viral load, no doubt. If he is jaundiced now, looks like the kidneys are affected as well as the liver. Once the liver is over 92% damaged, it doesn’t take too long afterwards….

Depression goes along with HCV, which happens first before addiction. So, he may of had hcv much longer than previously thought…..he could of been born with it or contracted it somehow later on in life.

A doctor will not treat anyone with hcv until they have been clean and sober for at least 6 months.

It’s a shame too because many who cannot seem to break the abuse often do not know that sometimes it is the HCV side effects that come to light instead of detoxing side effects when they quit their drug of choice.

I wish I could tell you more, but honestly, no one really knows how long this guy will last. I have known others who never drank a drop or did drugs who had hcv infection and didn’t live long and I’ve known a few to have abused drugs (alcohol included) who lived well beyond the doctor’s wildest dreams.

My prayers are with you and your friend and her family

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/how-long-will-an-alcoholic-live-with-hepatitis-c/feed 8 I’m a 23 year odl married gay man. What do i do if my husband is an alcoholic and won’t stop? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/im-a-23-year-odl-married-gay-man-what-do-i-do-if-my-husband-is-an-alcoholic-and-wont-stop http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/im-a-23-year-odl-married-gay-man-what-do-i-do-if-my-husband-is-an-alcoholic-and-wont-stop#comments Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:02:01 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/im-a-23-year-odl-married-gay-man-what-do-i-do-if-my-husband-is-an-alcoholic-and-wont-stop He says he knows he has a problem. The next day (after the cravings are getting to him) he decides he does not have a problem, and wants to drink in moderation. He says he’s miserable without alcohol.

I tell him that just one drink a month, and those cravings that are so unpleseant will never go away.

I was willing to stand it up to a point but now he lies and says he’ll work with me and hours later he is completely working against me. I don’t knwo what to do anymore.

I flipped out and yelled at him tonight. I regret the yelling, but nothing else has worked, and it has only been four days. We’ve fought (and discussed) every day why he can’t have just one drink, and agrees with me at the end of every talk. The next day he decided he’s not an alcoholic, or it’s ok to drink in moderation, or he doesnn’t have a problem.

He won’t stop till he’s ready,when he hits his bottom which is different for everyone.Only talk to him while he’s sober,if you try to talk to him after he’s been drinking your going to hear only alcohol talk.Ask him if he will go to rehab.or just get dried out and go to some AA meetings.Your best bet would be to go to ,meetings for loved ones who are alcoholics.Get someone who doesn’t drink to help you.He can help himself if he is willing to admit and accept he has a drinking problem.There’s a lot of help out there just try to get you both help.Living with the alcoholic makes you sick also.I’ll pray for both of you.I’m in recovery myself.

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/married-to-an-alcoholic/im-a-23-year-odl-married-gay-man-what-do-i-do-if-my-husband-is-an-alcoholic-and-wont-stop/feed 15 Should i beat up sister in law’s husband for calling my wife a hoe and other names? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/should-i-beat-up-sister-in-laws-husband-for-calling-my-wife-a-hoe-and-other-names http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/should-i-beat-up-sister-in-laws-husband-for-calling-my-wife-a-hoe-and-other-names#comments Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:02:00 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/should-i-beat-up-sister-in-laws-husband-for-calling-my-wife-a-hoe-and-other-names Well, supposely this has been going on for years. My wife is currently living in her mother’s house, in south america. 2 of her sisters and her brother also live there with their husbands. Anyway one of them is an alcoholic and has anger issues when he gets drunk and goes crazy. My wife is a former stripper and her sister is a current stripper.

So when this guy gets drunk he calls them names like hoe, hookers ect…. HE tries to start fights with anyone who talks back to him and even makes my wife’s sister cry sometimes. He even punched one of their sisters once while drunk. I know what you might be thinking, why dont they kick them out. Well, their mother is on the moon. THey all want him out, but their mother feels sorry for him because he has nobody, but picking on their daughters is fine….. Oh yeah, and his wife also wants him there. I guess she’s used to the abuse. Everytime he crosses the line, they call the cops, but since the cops are bunch of lazy punks, and their country doesnt really do anything unless someone gets killed, they dont follow through with it. My wife told me she thinks he raped her while she was passed out because she sleept in his room once and her sister went out and her vigina was wet and the only guy in there was him. And one day the daughter of my wifes sister accused him of touching her, and nobody kicked him out.

I don’t know how they can stand this guy and act liek nothing happened after all this. Never seen this, but i blame the mother of my wife. It’s her house, but she’s not strong enough to enforce rules. Anyway, should i pay people to beat the hell out of this guy? im in the states now, but if i hear this guy crossed the line again i don;t know what ill do.

I plan to move my wife and stepdaughter when i get enough money.
My wife was 15 when she thinks she got raped. shes now 26

WOW! WHY DID you get married knowing you can not take care of your wife? why is she staying with her mother instead with you? to answer your question no i dont think you should paid someone to beat up that guy, you should be trying your best to save alot untill you reach whatever amount you need to have your wife and step daughter with you

]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/should-i-beat-up-sister-in-laws-husband-for-calling-my-wife-a-hoe-and-other-names/feed 12 A&E Intervention – Dawn & Fabian Pt. 1 http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic/ae-intervention-dawn-fabian-pt-1 http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic/ae-intervention-dawn-fabian-pt-1#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:21:09 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic/ae-intervention-dawn-fabian-pt-1 Dawn, 49, is a meth addict, suffering the extreme physical addition symptoms of the drug. She often hallucinates and imagines things, symptoms of meth psychosis. Dawn lives on the streets and wanders from place to place. Dawn’s family is desperately trying to get her help. Will she accept the offer of treatment?

For Fabian, 37, an addiction has cost him everything and was once an entrepreneur.

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]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic/ae-intervention-dawn-fabian-pt-1/feed 25 Alcoholic Critic #3: I Think I Love My Wife http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/alcoholic-critic-3-i-think-i-love-my-wife http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/alcoholic-critic-3-i-think-i-love-my-wife#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:21:08 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/alcoholic-critic-3-i-think-i-love-my-wife Henry and Big Tone attempt to review Chris Rock’s latest movie, but Henry’s alcohol withdrawal poses a problem.

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]]> http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-wife/alcoholic-critic-3-i-think-i-love-my-wife/feed 2 I need to know, am I an alcoholic? http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/i-need-to-know-am-i-an-alcoholic http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/i-need-to-know-am-i-an-alcoholic#comments Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:17:14 +0000 admin http://www.alcoholismmarriage.net/living-with-an-alcoholic-husband/i-need-to-know-am-i-an-alcoholic I drink at least a bottle of wine per night and I am a thin girl. I am 26 and live with my husband and when he is away I get real drunk at home on my own. I often don’t remember going to bed. I know this is bad but how bad is it?

There is a big assumption that everyone who has an issue with alcohol is an alcoholic, however you define that.

You may have an issue with alcohol. You may be abusing it, using it, dependant on it – I don’t know you so I cannot tell. Drinking rarely happens in a vacuum – it is not unusual to find it is a symptom of unhelpful cognitions. Please don’t jump in with the ‘you have a disease forever’ brigade.

I would take a look at smartrecovery.org, google Windy Dryden on Ebay and see if any of his book titles jump out and grab you, and think of counselling for your issues that underpin your drinking – preferably REBT based counselling if it appeals to you.

good luck

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