Its been a long time coming. How can I help my alcoholic husband?
living with an alcoholic husband February 6th, 2010I’ve been married for 10 years, but we’ve been together for a total of 19 years. My husband does not see how he hurts me, a few weeks ago he told me we was going to commit suicide and would not live to see 40 and a couple of nights ago he came home drunk and I told him I was worried about his behavior and I thought he should get treatment. He told me to get the f-out and that I should divorce him. I was very upset did not push it because he was drunk and you can’t resolve anything with a drunk. So the next day I was still upset about it and I asked him if he remembered what he said, and he did not.
I don’t know where to turn, I threatened to tell his family. That’s another thing we live 3000 miles away from our family and most of our friends. He only has drinking friends here, we live walking distance to many bars. I need help and I don’t know where to turn.
Alon on is a great organization that helps people who live with alcoholics, and or an intervention, might help but you have to find a place that helps you get him into treatment at their specific treatment centers. You can call around your area and see what kind of treatment centers ate there and how they can help.
However, I am going to be very honest here because you have had years of this and my guess is that you are an enabler which means you need help,too. Please seek help from a counselor who can help you get clarity, get out of denial, and have a plan available to stop this insanity! Living with alcoholics is insanity because reality is distorted and the alcoholic controls everything, and you walk on egg shells. I know this not by reading about it but by living with a mom and step dad who were both alcoholics and I understand the dynamics.
You need to get strong, and grow confidence and self-worth. Please, please you cannot keep letting this go because your soul is at stake here.
I care.
Dr. Maggie
February 7th, 2010 at 2:28 am
you need to call local hospital and have him put in a 21day program do it fast before he does something to hurt him self then you need to contact your FAMILY AND HIS AND GET THE TO HELP you need as many people as you can get to be there the day he gets out of the hospital and you all need to be strong for him because he is weak and turn to drinking for help
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February 7th, 2010 at 3:14 am
Tell his family.
it does not matter AT all what he thinks of if you should or shouldn’t tell his family.
Remember an alcoholic NEVER admits that they have a problem. at all.
After you tell his family, call for an intervention.
Maybe you should bring a counselor and possibly a psychologist to understand why exactly he drinks. He must drink to mask some type of pain.
Then continue with counseling and with his sobriety.
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February 7th, 2010 at 3:24 am
Honey this is a tough one. My uncle died of alcoholism and it runs in my family. Its a horrible thing to have to be around. Really until he admits he has a problem there isnt much you can do for him. You can make sure its not in your house. I would maybe look up consolers in your area that specialize in this category. I know what you mean because I thought my husbands drinking would turn into an issue so I forbid hard liquor in my house. He would drink a half bottle of beam on the week end. I dont think that is normal behavior when your the only one boozing it up. I think the main cause is deep seeded issues and emotional problems. People turn to booze to help them forget their problems. Is your husband depressed? Maybe you could call an AA center near you and ask how you get started. Join a church and see if they have social clubs you can network and see what kind of help is out there for you. Ultimatly if someone wants to drink they are going to do it and theres not a darn thing you can do to stop them. They have to want to seek help on their own. If after several tries you cant get through to him your going to have to enlist the help of his family. I know they live far away but maybe this is why he is upset? I dont know maybe they could give you more insight on why he is being this way. I would try a couple more things to get thru to him and if he doesnt react to these measures than get help from his family. God bless and good luck.
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uncle died of this disease.
February 7th, 2010 at 4:13 am
Queen why must you continue to fight a battle only God can do for him. He clearly looking for sympathy and your giving it too him. He is sick and he refuse to get help. Why worry yourself to death, do you know stress kill. This is not your burden you have honored your vows to the fullest. Love isn’t enough you need to exhibit some tough love. I know the love is deep for your husband, but your husband is sick. And aiding him isn’t going to help. It is clear that he needs help, but what about you. You have stop living just to see about him. And I don’t want to say this but Queen you have to first pray on it, and then let him work him. You may have to plan to go stay with family, and let them know what is going on. Or you can simply leave, and keep your business your business. What if something do happen and he harms you or the kids because of his drunkenness. It’s time you weigh your options Queen. Is he worth dying for, am I worthy to just walk away. Please stop putting yourself through this pain, and the rain. And let the sunshine in……….You have such a caring heart and soul……But never let your soul die because your husband don’t obviously love himself. You take that first step to leave see won’t he do what he got to do to get his Queen back. Good luck hon!
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:30 am
Ask him if he is ready to quit drinking and to get the help he needs to do so. Make sure you do this when he is completely sober. If he tells you no, then you know there isn’t a whole lot you can do to help him. That’s when you make a decision to start helping yourself. Find some nearby support groups for yourself, such as AlAnon or Codependents Anonymous. Get into some individual counseling to start building your self-worth. Your focus is totally on him right now, and you have forgotten about yourself in all this. Once you have your appointment or you have started attending support groups, make sure you let him know that you are going. Do not keep it from him, When he gets drunk, make sure you document everything that he says and does in a journal. Don’t get into trying to talk with him about this. Just keep going to your support groups and your counseling.
Threatening to tell his family would accomplish…. what? And it sounds like you have been trying to find things to threaten him with. Stop doing that. If there is ever a time that you feel ready to leave so you can protect your own life, tell him, then leave. No threats, no getting into yelling at him to try to scare him into getting sober. Those won’t work. Take care of you. Best wishes…. you are going to need them, hon.
And to Roxy…. her husband can not be committed to any program. He is an adult and he can refuse any and all treatment offered to him.
References :
Licensed independent substance abuse counselor
Licensed professional counselor.
February 7th, 2010 at 5:07 am
Alcoholics have two choices: to quit drinking or continue and die. Sorry to be so blunt but that is the reality. However, he must first decide that his drinking is a problem, admitting he has a problem and then he may need to seek treatment with a detox program. Alcohol is one drug that when going through that the symptoms of withdrawl one can actually die. That is very important to realize. This is dependent upon his level of addiction. However, he must take the step to admit and then desire treatment or there is nothing on this earth you can do for him. You need to be honest with yourself, how much more are you willing to deal with? Decide and then give him an ultultimatum
however once given it must be stuck with. If I were you, and you know his family will be supportive then you need to call them. You need a support system to assist you through this process.
You can not save him, only yourself. Sad but true. My husband died at the age of 32 from the side effects of alcoholism. They are very horrible and the death is slow and very painful to watch. I wish you the best of luck.
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February 7th, 2010 at 5:51 am
Alon on is a great organization that helps people who live with alcoholics, and or an intervention, might help but you have to find a place that helps you get him into treatment at their specific treatment centers. You can call around your area and see what kind of treatment centers ate there and how they can help.
However, I am going to be very honest here because you have had years of this and my guess is that you are an enabler which means you need help,too. Please seek help from a counselor who can help you get clarity, get out of denial, and have a plan available to stop this insanity! Living with alcoholics is insanity because reality is distorted and the alcoholic controls everything, and you walk on egg shells. I know this not by reading about it but by living with a mom and step dad who were both alcoholics and I understand the dynamics.
You need to get strong, and grow confidence and self-worth. Please, please you cannot keep letting this go because your soul is at stake here.
I care.
Dr. Maggie
References :
Psychologist
February 7th, 2010 at 6:10 am
Go to Al-Anon, or locate an AA Group to find the location of one, this is a place you could receive help, anonymously.
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