Do I stay married to an alcoholic?
married to an alcoholic February 3rd, 2010
I have been married to my husband for 6 years, together for many more than that. We have been together, off and on, since HS, although the marriage was always continuous. We have two children and another on the way. He is an angry drunk although only "verbally abusive", I just say he’s mean. Because of that, I’ve been very distant for several years now, because I would rather not talk to him and do everything myself then have him be mean to me. He is a great father however.
Every fight ends with "let’s get a divorce" and I always beg him to stay so we can work it out. The last time, I had enough and agreed. I felt a HUGE sense of relief and was really happy with the decision. After a week of being seperated, he begged to come back promising to make changes. Three weeks into this "bliss" he’s decided that he just wants a drink and doesn’t want me to be upset about it. I’m upset about it, and he is again saying mean things, including that he is not attracted to me. What do I do?!?
it depends on what you want out of life.if you don’t like it,get out or live with a drunk being miserable the rest of your life
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:42 am
no
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February 3rd, 2010 at 8:50 am
it depends on what you want out of life.if you don’t like it,get out or live with a drunk being miserable the rest of your life
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February 3rd, 2010 at 8:58 am
if you have love and feelings for eachother then alcohol shouldnt come into it
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February 3rd, 2010 at 9:16 am
Since you are asking the question, you are already having the thought of leaving. I personally would not stay married to an alcoholic, but it is your choice. My life is worth more than that. If they want to waste their time being a drunk, so be it. Move on.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 9:26 am
no get a divorce and find u a good man
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February 3rd, 2010 at 10:09 am
No…never….be strong and get the divorce…you deserve better, there is better
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me
February 3rd, 2010 at 10:22 am
only you can answer that….Is this person abusive to you, If so I would say leave now and don’t look back, BUT is the relationship worth salvaging? Have you talked to them about getting help for their drinking problem? If they got to AA there is a program for you called AlAnon (Not sure if I spelled that right? ) But My father was an Alcoholic, and my mom used to go to Al Anon to deal with her issues about his drinking. Unfortunatly when someone drinks, it doesn’t just affect them. It affects EVERYONE around them. So if they don’t want help, there is not much you can do. Look out for yourself! Good Luck!
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February 3rd, 2010 at 10:47 am
Do you really need to ask us? You need to analyze your personal situation, so that you can make an informed decision. We are not in a position to advise because we don’t have all of the details.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 11:17 am
So being an alcoholic is one thing. however in regards to your question…
1. What do you consider an alcoholic?
2. What is he/she doing or not doing that is eating at you?
3. Time lost? Work?
4. Mental abuse?
5. Physical abuse?
You have a lot to explain before any real answer can be formulated. Any answers at this juncture are pointless because they have nothing to base them upon except their own images of what they consider an "alcoholic".
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In that case…my daughter-in-law went through this for 15 years with 2 kids. Finally tossed him out. This will continue. This is a pattern. Out..take me back..drinks again. Consider he go to AA. If he refuses…prepare to leave. You’ll be better off. Good luck lady.
February 3rd, 2010 at 11:59 am
You can only expect a sad, miserable, pathetic existence being married to an alcoholic. It’s like going nowhere fast. Do yourself a favor and get out.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 12:09 pm
This is totally up to you. If hes abusive and violent when he drinks, then by all means get the hellout and sue him for divorce and everything you are legally entitled to. If you are able to deal with him, then what could all of us out here possibly tell you, except the choice is ultimately totally up to you
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Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Pyschology
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:23 pm
The only way you can provide a healthy life for you and your children is to remove alcoholism, alcohol, and alcoholics from your house.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Oh my God, Please do yourself a favor and leave. Thats not a good thing at all, He maybe a great father, But he is not a great husbend at all. You don’t need that in your life get out while you still can!!! Before he starts getting drunk and beating you because its bound to happen soon or later!!!
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February 3rd, 2010 at 1:44 pm
honey , you have to follow your heart. we have said what we would do on here many times over. but if you are strong enough an want to do it , by all means do what you feel is right. even though most of us disagee with what you are putting up with , we are not the one’s standing in your shoes. and i personally would NOT be strong enough to let someone be mean to me an put with it! you have to be a strong woman to stand by your man that way , because most of us just would not put up with the emtional abuse. good luck sweety
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February 3rd, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Omigosh you poor thing! On one hand, if your husband is ever going to truly recover from alcoholism he will need your love and support. On the other, more logical hand- you oughtta toss him out again, and if/when he asks to come home again, tell him not until he goes to AA. Go with him if needed- in the meantime YOU DESERVE BETTER! Your babies deserve better.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Nothing YOU do can change your husbands alcohol abuse. He must want to change. But I think you know this. First you must take care of you! I left a marriage for the same reasons. Yes the first several months were brutal but now, over a year later I have never been happier. I’m stronger and love life like never before. Take care of you and your children.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Get out while you still have the strength and will power. Verbal abuse is harder than physical abuse. The bruises will heal, the verbal abuse will destroy your inner strength. I truly believe that when a person is drunk or angry they say exactly what they mean, alto once they become sober, the have memory lost. If you can’t forget the horrible things he’s said to you, trust me he remember what he’s said to you. Think about those babies and what jargon they are hearing – my son was 1 yr old and he heard F U come out of his sperm donor’s mouth so much, he thought those words were OK, so I waited until he went to work one evening, packed as much as I could in the car and never looked back. I moved 8 hrs away. Get those babies out of that environment, because the longer you stay the more confused they will be. It ain’t that much love for a man over your children.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
IF your partner recognizes his problem & joins AA or begins treatment & stays with it; IF there’s no domestic violence (This usually goes hand-in-hand with alcoholism.); IF his habit isn’t keeping you broke; IF you’re otherwise secure in your situation, then it might be worth a shot.
Personally, I don’t think I’d put up with it. You’ll have to decide if you can live with things as they are. If you feel the need to get out for your own safety & sanity, then do so.
<After reading your "additional", it seems to me that he is not willing to change. So, it’s probably for the best, at this point, if you divorce him.>
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http://www.aca-usa.org/
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash
February 3rd, 2010 at 3:42 pm
I didn’t even finish reading what you wrote. I can not believe you are still with him. Being raised by an alcoholic father is so unfair. These children will be damaged and why? No one can ever have a good enough excuse, yes excuse to let their children be scared for life .. If you love your children get them out and get them help. There is so many harmful things that Can happen to children and this is one you can rescue them from. Don’t wait another day. If you stay believe me they will blame you some day and have no respect for you. This sounds harsh I realize I know what I talking about. Get on web type in children of alcoholics maybe then you will save them.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 3:53 pm
if you are pregnant, his verbal abuse is additional stress that you don’t need, for you and your baby’s health . . I say, leave and this time stay gone . . don’t allow him to come back unless he has truly given up alcohol . . explain to him that his behavior has driven him away from you . . you have your children to think about . . you don’t want them to see their father acting this way . . they will grow up thinking that it is the right way to be . . .
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February 3rd, 2010 at 3:59 pm
I was married to an alcoholic for 7 years. He was so mean to mean. In the beginning he would just say mean things, then it progressed into hitting me. We are no longer married. He also wanted alcohol more then me. He is still drinking. You can go to alinon. They are a great group of people, going thru what you are going thru. They will give you great advice and support. You cant help anyone but you. Think of you and your children. Good luck
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February 3rd, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Sometimes its hard but in a situation like this, i would tell him, either you check into AA or were leaving for good… this is not a healthy environment for your children….
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February 3rd, 2010 at 4:48 pm
If you are strong enough, divorce him for good.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 5:27 pm
NO WAY !
I ended a 12 year relationship 2 years ago because of the same thing, and mine ex wasn’t an abusive drunk.
If you care about yourself and your children, you will not stay in this relationship, its totally unhealthy for you and the children. Your children are going to be the ones that suffer the consequences of your husbands abuse years from now when they remember how you were treated by their father and themselves.
My ex never spent time with me or his children as his booze and drugs were far more important to him. He adventually quit his jobs, and drank away any unemployment money he received and then started drinking away my money as well.
In the end we lost our house…..now I am fighting him in court for custody and support and he still isn’t working that’s 5 years he’s been unemployed in the last 6 years, and he only had the job for about 7 months.
So I would say NO do not stay….you need to move on and find a healthy relationship with someone who can love you and your children without being abusive.
I didn’t think there was such a thing….but late last year I met a fantastic gentleman who loves me and my children! So there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel if you can find it within yourself to find it.
Good luck !
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