I am married to an alcoholic and have become close friends with another man- Honestly only friends…?
married to an alcoholic February 6th, 2010But, my husband accuses me of more. We go to church together and are involved in many of the same activities. I became closer to this man because my husband was always at home drinking and would get mean when he drank. How can I convince him that I am not in love with other man, but I am not going to turn my back on a friend because he is jealous? I have waited lonely for years while he hung out with his beer seven nights a week. How can I keep my marriage and my friend?
You can not keep both the way things are. Your husband is not saved. His salvation should be a priority. If your friendship is pure, your friend will understand that you need to be with your husband. Ask your friend to pray for your husband’s salvation. Then, the three of you can become friends. Pray for your friend to find a wife. If you need a friend, try going to the women’s meetings. You should be able to find woman friends. Your husband may be a drunk, but he is still your husband. God tells us not to be with those who are unequally yoked, but once we are that does not give us the excuse for a divorce. You have to pray, fast and believe that God will deliver your husband. Don’t you want your hubby to know the Glory of the Lord.
Relationships with men and women are complicated. Your husband has no right to be jealous if you have assured him of your intentions, but you have no clue of your friend’s true wishes. By your Faith, you are supposed to respect your husband and his wishes.
I will put you in my prayers. If you want me to pray for you and your husband by name contact me.
February 7th, 2010 at 2:47 am
Yeah, only friends, heard that one before…..
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February 7th, 2010 at 2:59 am
Ditch the baggage, the new guy seems more likely to make you happy than old Barney at home.
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February 7th, 2010 at 3:17 am
Honestly? Try talking to him when he is sober to seek help for his drinking. If he refuses, separate and divorce the loser.
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February 7th, 2010 at 3:24 am
Yea right! If you value your marrage don’t become friends with another man. That being said why are you with an alcoholic? Doesn’t speak well of you to begin with.
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:11 am
Hell always be jealous. cant change someones emotions. stop talking to your friend and spend that time getting your husband help for alcoholism
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:24 am
You’ve got to see a counselor, a good one! It takes work here. You might be a codependent. If so, there is ALOT of support out there if you haven’t already tried. Good luck, and keep your faith and trust in yourself and God.
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:31 am
You can’t convince someone of something youre not sure of yourself. I think your real question should be, "Should I stay with my husband or divorce him and go for a healthier life?"
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:40 am
FIRST OF ALL, WHY DID YOU MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC? THAT WAS YOUR FIRST MISTAKE.. SECOND, SINCE HE OBVIOUSLY GETS JEALOUS WHEN HE DRINKS THEN YOUR KINDA SCREWED. HELL NEVER LET YOU LIVE IT DOWN. YOU NEED TO TELL HIM TO PUT DOWN THE BOTTLE OR YOUR GONNA LEAVE.. IF HE WONT.. THEN YOUR MARRIAGE WAS GONE A LONG TIME AGO.. SORRY.. YOU CAN TRY COUNSELING BUT NOT MANY ALCOHOLICS WILL WILLINGLY GO TO COUNSELING.. CUZ THEY DON’T THINK THEY HAVE A PROBLEM.. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN BEFORE HE BEATS YOU.. GOOD LUCK!!
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February 7th, 2010 at 5:02 am
You can’t keep your marriage and your friend. Your husband will never trust you with another man. He will never understand your friendship. Have you tried getting your husband some help? Here is a good place to start….
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
You might consider working to save your husband instead of warning about loosing a friend.
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February 7th, 2010 at 5:45 am
is hard to give advise when situations like these appear….is a matter of personal decision….we can only see your point of view and maybe you are right, but the best thing is to avoid this friend for the best, and explain him that when things get better he can come back and visit….the main thing is to prove to your husband that you are not cheating on him..with this person he believes you are cheating….remember that drunkards are hard to convinced specially if they are drunk all day….so stay away from you best friend and if he really is your best friend he will understand your point of view and will do the best for you and your family…hope you good luck..
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February 7th, 2010 at 6:34 am
why do you want to keep your marriage if your husband is married to alcohol? he’s not really married to you at all…he cheats on you everyday, just with a bottle and not a woman. you can’t reason with a drunk so don’t waste your time trying, you might as well sit down and chat with a bottle of vodka, its going to do you just as much good and if he refuses to help himself there isn’t much you can do there either. i’m sorry you are in this situation but it was your husbands choice to check out of life and in to a bottle not yours, it isn’t right for you to let him drag you in to drown in booze right with him. tell him you love him but just cant stop living just because he decided to. wish him the best of luck and tell him if he chooses to join the living and sober again you’ll help him anyway you can but that you won’t let his problem take your life away from you to. you’ve given him plenty of time and love and he has taken it from you with no thought about what he’s doing to your life. please don’t feel responsible for him, he’s not a child he made a choice and he chooses it everyday over you and your marriage, you don’t owe him more than what he gives you. good luck to you!
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February 7th, 2010 at 6:52 am
You can not keep both the way things are. Your husband is not saved. His salvation should be a priority. If your friendship is pure, your friend will understand that you need to be with your husband. Ask your friend to pray for your husband’s salvation. Then, the three of you can become friends. Pray for your friend to find a wife. If you need a friend, try going to the women’s meetings. You should be able to find woman friends. Your husband may be a drunk, but he is still your husband. God tells us not to be with those who are unequally yoked, but once we are that does not give us the excuse for a divorce. You have to pray, fast and believe that God will deliver your husband. Don’t you want your hubby to know the Glory of the Lord.
Relationships with men and women are complicated. Your husband has no right to be jealous if you have assured him of your intentions, but you have no clue of your friend’s true wishes. By your Faith, you are supposed to respect your husband and his wishes.
I will put you in my prayers. If you want me to pray for you and your husband by name contact me.
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February 7th, 2010 at 7:38 am
doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage left. your husband is jealous just like mine when I started being friends with a man because he knows you will realize there are decent men out there and maybe leave him. Why would you want to keep such an unhealthly marriage? don’t leave for the friend though because that might be all it is but leave if you are not happy anymore. lonely and married is no way to live. maybe you should get your husband help so he quits drinking and being mean to you.I believe you that you are only friends you just need someone to talk to but with your husband so jealous not sure how you can be friends I had to start not telling mine when we talked maybe not right but I wasn’t cheating and its better than listening to him yell.Decided to leave husband for my own sanity. not for other man-he has a girlfriend
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February 7th, 2010 at 7:50 am
well as for the friend, how would you feel if your husband was spending more time with a random girl than he was with you? I see why he is jealous. As for the alcoholic husband, have you tried seeing marriage counselor? Have you tried getting to the bottom of why he is drinking? You might be able to get him to stop. If he will not stop maybe its time to look into a divorce. Moral of the story, I think if you have a good relationship with your husband you wont need to be so close with this guy. Try to fix your marriage.
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February 7th, 2010 at 8:08 am
Short answer, you can’t!
Long answer, my ex-husband is an alcoholic. He use to accuse me of cheating when I went to AL-ANON meetings.
I can only tell you about my experience, you must decide for yourself. The alcoholic will only quit when they want to, they will drag you down with them if they can. It took 10 years of abuse before I finally decided I loved myself and my kids enough to get out.
Here is a website with more information for you:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
God Bless You and good luck
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http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_information_aa.cfm?PageID=17
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
February 7th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Try geting your husband de adicted and make him feel more cared for your husband should be given more importance than your frends at any cost
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February 7th, 2010 at 9:35 am
If you are dealing with an alcoholic, I suggest getting him into treatment if you’re not ready to leave. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable forever. Imagine the one time your hubby happens to go to church, sees this guy, and makes a drunken fool out of you and the other man. The other friend probably won’t want to have much to do with you after that. I suggest getting your hubby some help before he alienates all your family and friends from you once and for all….GL;)
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February 7th, 2010 at 10:25 am
you can love your husband and pray for him and his drinking. being friends with the other man should not be an option. Your husband really needs to be your best friend. Instead of leaving him at home all the time alone with his beer. Be there, reading your bible, or what ever you do, and interact with him. normally. this takes time but he will see that you love him and love may win him over. end the friendship though, because it could turn into more.
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experience
February 7th, 2010 at 10:42 am
If you still loves your Husband even though he is daily drinker i must appreciate that you are best wife for him. As the friend is concern you say you don’t love him but just good friends. There are many communities those work to help us to Quit Drinking. Let your husband participate in those activities. Ask your friends help. If they don’t know each other try to let them meet in alone and discuss the bad effects of Drinks on life. Give your husband more time try to find out why he drinks more, cause you are the one who can make the difference. Unless and until you don’t find out the reason of his habit you are unable to help that. Good luck dear.
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