Living With Alcoholism In A Marriage

Since I last posted, things have gotten worse! I didn’t think it was possible! He went out to drink and was robbed by two guys. They stole his keys and cell phone and our car! He was hospitalized overnight and woke up still intoxicated in the hospital. I was there and he was yelling and cursing at me in front of the hospital staff! After he was released from the hospital, he went into a convenient store and downed a beer, I could not believe it! Than he was yelling at me on the street and in the cab to give him money to go buy a six pack of beer because he had a stressful night as a result of the robbery, etc. His Mom met me downstairs to help me as he was causing a huge scene. On the way into our building, he punched a metal door with his fist. After all this, he is still denying that he has a problem and is once again blaming his drinking on "stress." To me this sounds like another excuse! I am so angry at him and don’t know what to do. This was the final straw, yet he is once again trying to convince me that he will never do it again. Is there any hope or am I just fooling myself here?

Quit enabling him. He needs to detox and get A/A. You need to get involved with Alanon a support group for family members of alcoholics so that you can stop being part of the cycle. Pour out any alcohol that comes into the home until you either move out or kick him out. You can’t just make idle threats and ultimatums. You have to back it up with actions.

worked for a company for 10+ yrs and assistant to the president of the company. After his one year aniversary of soberity, the disarray in business applications is causing my job to become varied in job description. I’m not getting much help or answers. You can’t say anything about it, but it’s not helping #1 for the work environment when 75% of my day is calming those who don’t understand the scattered thoughts from him and the other 25% trying to resolve issues on my own, hoping I’ve made the right choices because I can’t get answers. She disapears and takes many "mental health" days and works after hours so there is no human contact and thoughts can be clearer. Should I stick with it, move on, say something or just keeping on doing what I need to do to keep the business a float on my end? How do I know this???? The wife of a recovered alcoholic (I know everyone has a different experience), but it’s like living with my husband after his first year. I LOVE my job, but need my sanity

Your responsibility isn’t to keep the company afloat. That’s the President’s responsibility. It’s surprising the company has stayed up for 10 years without any processes but some companies will succeed despite themselves.

Generally, I’ve found people tend to lack confidence when thinking about changing jobs. It’s a hard thing to do, but far from impossible. Are you paid well? Do you not think you could get equal or better compensation elsewhere?

I guess my answer is – no job is worth being miserable. There are others out there.

I have been living with him from 10 yrs.I have two kids,one boy 9 yrs old and one girl 3 yrs old.Ours was a love marriage.I am from a doctors family,I am also a good homoeopath,earning 20000\ month,We are living in our father-in -law’s house.My husband did many jobs but he never settled.Now he is practising a therapy on sick people which I do not think is working.He is using my name for it.He is very much mischievous,rude,demanding sex three times a day,as I have no appetite for sex.He wants to control me in all respects.He do not want me to talk with my relatives as he thinks they feed me wrong things.He is earning nothing at all.He take loan for paying his pending dues.But he love his children,play with them sometime,my father-in law also love and play with my children.This is the only thing which holds me back. My mother in law is very much selfish, rude, cunning,hateful,not having any affection with my children.She did not allow me to touch her household things when I came to her house from the very first day.I cook food separately for my family in my room.please suggest me what should I do?

It sounds like you need a good divorce lawyer. That is not a healthy environment for your children to be in and you need to leave at least for their sake.

I need some advice. My father-in-law who is from India is living with his wife in another state. He has been a chronic alcoholic for years and is getting worse so much so that my husband and I feel that he is not making rational decisions anymore. I am not from this culture so I need to know how people of Indian culture usually handle a situation like this. My husband is not of much help because I think he doesn’t want to really believe that his father is getting to this non-rational state and so avoids doing anything about it. I am worried because he drives taxi cab and maybe he will have an accident sooner or later. He is also letting his house become very decrepit. What can we or should we do?

When he does not live with you, why worry ? if you are really worried about him, you should ask him to stay with you, stop working and take care of him.

But your words do not really reflect *LOVE* for him. it is more of your natural hate towards him as daughter in law. just see the mirror and ask your self is Awasthi right ?

We have been separated for 2 years (this time). He does not drink that much anymore, but he is not in good health. He is only 41. I keep letting him come back, but he is a liar about all things. Sometimes its the things that he does not say and then other times its what he says. I have been to counseling and it just does not seem to work. Sometimes i feel Strong and then other moments I feel weak around him. How has anyone else out there dealt with this same situation. He has dabbled in drugs as well. I just don’t want my kids or myself around this anymore. He says that he doesn’t do it, but he has NO EMOTIONS about ANYTHING!! Please help!!!

You are making excuses for him – "he does not drink that much anymore". If he is an alcoholic, he needs to not drink at all anymore. You said that you tried counseling and "it doesn’t work". You are wrong. Counseling can and will work if you find the right counselor. It’s like dating. You don’t usually get it right the first time and need to continue looking until you find the right person who really gets you and knows how to help. Please go back into counseling. Look for someone warm and compassionate that isn’t afraid to get tough sometimes and will not hesitate to call you on it when you are bamboozling them (and yourself). You need to get away from your husband (permanently) and get your children away from him until he cleans up his act. By getting weak around him, you are are actually making things worse for him by sending the message that he has been a bad boy, but you will be there and accept whatever he dishes out no matter what. If you keep taking him back, you are condoning and allowing this behavior to continue. This is bad for your children and you need to put them first above him or this will ruin their lives.

http://www.BrightonHospital.org Male alcoholic succeeds in his struggle with alcohol following 30 day stay in the alcoholism clinic at Brighton Hospital in Michigan, including 14 days in the Partial Hospitalization Program. With his alcoholism in control and following the detox clinic stay, his family is now proud of him and proud of his recovery. They are beginning to trust him again, because of the outpatient treatment program. The best drug and alcohol addiction help is what Brighton is all about. Brighton Hospital is the second oldest alcoholism clinic in the United States and the first to be licensed in Michigan . A national leader in drug and alcohol treatment and counseling services that began in the early 1950’s. Additionally, we treat addictions to: meth, marijuana, pot, crack, heroin, cocaine, speed, oxycontin, coke, prescription pain pills, ecstasy, plus. Our clinics’ rehabilitation treatment programs include: dual diagnosis treatment, teen and young adult, CEO, lawyer and judicial recovery, 30-60-90 day recovery programs, and men’s and women’s halfway houses. We have many recovering drug and alcohol testimonials on YouTube. www.brightonhospital.org

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Another Alternate Reality Ethan and Theresa video.
In this story ethan is an alcoholic and Theresa is suffereing from all the pain of her alcoholic husband. Ethan realizes how much he truly loves Theresa and is willing to recover from it in order to save their marriage.

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We have been living with these problems for over 20 years now. It seems like lately she keeps saying that she has hit rock bottom, but continues to drink all night all. She has has an eating disorder, where if she does eat she will throw it up almost every night. She has been in and out of rehab places over the past 20 years and every time the doctors don’t think she will live too much longer. She also lies all the time about the things that she is doing, even when you watch her do it she will tell you shes not. During these tough times me and my husband live with them and now some of our things are missing (mostly alcohol). She of course says that she doesn’t take anything, but I don’t think I can believe anything she says anymore. My question is, how can I get myself not to be so mad at her to the point where I don’t even want to see her? If anyone else has gone through a similar situation, was there ever a time that it got better?

You can’t fix her.
Try al-anon meetings, there is a whole community out there who can help you and who have all been in the same boat struggling with the same issues you are going through.

I ran into a 2nd cousin who is about 26. When he was 18 or 19, he left home and wasn’t heard from for several years. I saw him only once before this weekend, about 3 years ago.
He is filthy. Homeless. Lives in a shelter sometimes. Fits all his possessions in a small duffel bag. Today I got him to come over to my house for a shower and a meal. We also washed all his clothing and got him some new socks and underwear. I gave him no cash. He wanted to sleep in my house, but my wife and I decided that was a bad idea. He’s sleeping in a resin chaise lounge in my back yard. Actually I can see he’s smoking a cigarette (I hope that is it) he had a small polyester blanket. He won’t freeze out there.
We told him he has to move on tomorrow. Have we done too much? Have we done too little? As a family, we have decided to only do the minimum we can until he makes an effort to get off drugs and booze, find a job and a permanent place to live.
He has problems, but makes no effort to solve them. Thanks.
I don’t know if he’d even tell me if he was using. I know he smoked pot for a long time. I don’t know if he used other drugs. I know he’s drinking. When I found him he was a little drunk. He smelled so bad, I don’t know if he smelled of booze. Offered to get him a haircut, but he turned me down. Probably hasn’t had one in at least a year. Wouldn’t eat in our dining room. Ate in our kitchen, fast, then out of the house to sit on the back stairs to smoke a cigarette. Can’t even be in the same room with my wife. I have no idea how to help him. None of my relatives do. We speak of him at every family get together. He "visits" about half of us regularly. People like me he avoids.

I think what you did is just right. No one can do anything for him. He has to do himself. I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and nobody could say or do anything to make me stop. I had to want it.

drink more? Also is it true that if your father is an alcoholic, you will either marry one or become one yourself? I dont really drink myself but every once in awhile, but I get scared that I may end up like my dad- am I more likely to become one? If so, Why? How can I prevent this and just be able to have an occasional social drink without worrying? Thanks

Alcohol is addictive and if you use it daily your body requires it. An occasional social drink doesn’t cause addiction as long as it doesn’t become a daily habit. You know the affects of alcohol addiction from personal experience and know what to look for in the guys you date. Use your knowledge of alcoholism to avoid getting involved with heavy drinkers and limit your own as you do now. You could check out al anon to get info on avoiding addiction and how to spot addictive behavior patterns in others.